Let's start with the ankle.... Black Friday. I had two of my daycare girls that day and we were going to go pick out something fun for lunch and snack. We stopped at the Supervalu next to my house to get gas. I stepped out of the car with my left foot into a pile of snow. As I was swinging my baby belly around to get out....the snow gave a little and my ankle rolled and there was a snap. I stood there in shock for a minute and then just got back in the car and sat. It hurt, but not horrible, so I took it easy and got gas and decided our fun lunch and snack was going to have to come from Supervalu today because I needed to go back home and make sure it was ok. I stayed off it Saturday and Sunday and it seemed to be getting better. I was having contractions here and there and some bloody show over the weekend, so I knew it was getting close to time. Monday I didn't take any kids (stopped working) and Aidan and I went to the mall and did some laps before the stores opened and then came home and spent the day outside in the sled and snow. Tuesday...more contractions and show and the ankle was sore from walking. While watching Aidan play in the bath tub I looked down at my ankle and it was purple down into my foot like the blood was pooling in my foot. Tuesday night I had some good contractions rockin and every break I was getting was no break because the pain in my ankle was just as bad as the pain of the contraction. Wednesday after talking with Kiki (my midwife) we decided I had to go get the ankle addressed so that we could move on with this labor. X-ray showed it was in fact broken. They normally would have casted me, but knowing what was coming with labor, they agreed to let me have a boot. No pain meds of course....but I could take Tylenol which was like using a squirt gun on a forest fire.

Birth Day

Thursday morning around 6am there was no more sleeping as my contractions that had been teasing me for a few days started again. By 7am I was making enough noise that Josh woke up and kind of started asking questions. I called Kiki around 8am and told her I thought MAYBE this was it. Contractions were about 6 mins apart and she said she would shower and be over to check things out. I tried to get some string cheese down and yogurt with granola while continuing to welcome everything that was happening. She got to my house around 9am and it was as if I was waiting for her to arrive to kick it into high gear. 3 minutes apart and she was excited. She checked me and I was at a 5. I was still in bed, as I didn't want to anger my ankle anymore than I needed to. She, of course, wanted me up and out of bed right away. So they helped me to the bathroom and then told me to crawl to the birth tub. This trip to the bathroom and then to the tub probably took about an hour and the contractions were building and he was dropping. In the tub I was able to move around as I needed to with minimal use of the ankle which was great. Somewhere between the bathroom and the tub my eyes closed and I entered into active labor. I breathing and ohhhhing threw the contractions in the tub and my breaks in between got smaller and fewer. I was moving into all sorts of different positions and doing a lot of rocking and repetitive movements. At the peak of one really strong one, I threw up (not in the tub). I knew it was time....but I tried to fight it. My moans turned into....nooo nooo noo no noooooo. I knew it was time to push. The part I feared from Aidan's birth....and it was time. No one said anything and we all knew exactly what was happening. I fought it for a little while and Kiki decided to check me even though it was very clear that I was complete. My water hadn't broken and the bag was bulging. She broke my water. It was noon. At that point he dropped down even lower and there was no turning back. The pressure was so intense and he was RIGHT THERE, I knew what I had to do. I had two choices....face my fear and make the pain end and have this baby in my arms....or continue to fear what needed to be done and endure this longer. I pushed. I pushed and pushed through the fear, through the pain, through every doubt in my mind. As Josh was embracing me and holding me I pulled out all the strength that everyone had send to me and found the courage to push. I felt so much more this time, and had so much more control over the pushing. Every push I could feel him move, and knew I was doing it and we were almost done. I pushed that baby right out! He was born at 1216pm. He was so little! I expected him to be bigger than Aidan (cause that's what everyone tells you) but he was so small. And he was thickly covered in vernex? It looked like he was covered in Crisco and then someone threw flour on him. I held him so close to me....he was quiet at first. After a couple minutes we had some crying.

That dang Placenta.

I was holding my baby and trying to pay attention and wait for a contraction or cramp to push the placenta out, but it just didn't come. Kiki asked me to push and when I did I was really light headed and felt like I was going to pass out. We waited a few minutes and I pushed some more without the urge. Kiki gave me a shot of pitocin to try and encourage it to come and still no luck. They had me stand in the tub, then get out of the tub and lay on a mattress on the floor, stand on the mattress, squat, and push push push. Another shot of pitocin....and still no placenta. Kiki had also started an IV at this point. After about 30-35 mins she stuck her hand up there and discovered that my cervix had closed down on the placenta and it was half in and half out.
Anne called 911 and explained what was happening and we continued to try and get it to budge. The paramedics came and got me in the ambulance and we headed to St. Lukes. I left sweet baby Brody at home with his grandma and Anne. Josh and Kiki came with me. At this point we kinda expected to be there for like an hour...get this dang thing out and back home we would go. The bumps on the ride to the hospital got my contractions started up again and my body wanted that placenta out! I felt like I was going back into labor. By the time they got me in a room at the hospital I was full out in active labor again....there are not words to describe how absolutely horrible this time was. They didn't like the IV that Kiki had put in and couldn't get a new IV in. I was begging for some pain meds, but no luck. I was having none stop contractions....gripping the side of the bed rails screaming. Every time I contracted blood was gushing out of me. Like a horror movie. Josh described it was reminding him of gutting a deer. It took an hour and half for them to get me in the OR to have a D&C. Which is like what you have when you miscarry- they scrape out the inside of your uterus. Thank GOD they finally put me to sleep. I woke up afterwards ....pain free....finally...and needed to see that BABY! I was in recovery for a while waiting for my blood pressure to come back and they were pumping in fluids. The OB that did the surgery right away started telling me I had to spend the night and I wanted nothing to do with hearing that. My Hemoglobin levels had gone from a 12 when I arrived at the hospital to an 8. I couldn't pee, and my pulse was high, and my blood pressure was low but ok. I had to stay. So we accepted that and tried to get some rest.

Friday Morning.

They tested my hemoglobin again and it had dropped to a 6. So this means that I had half the amount of red blood cells in my body from when I first got to the hospital the day before. We talked through some different blood transfusion options and or not doing it at all....but I again had to give in and accept that this is what my body needed. I had to have two units of blood, which take two hours each to receive and then OF COURSE more blood testing. By 4pm Friday my Hemoglobin was up to an 8 and I was officially discharged. Aidan came to the hospital Friday afternoon and met his brother and got to see Josh and me after 3 days at Grandmas. Oh ya, and Brody was nursing like a champ after 24 hours, on both sides! It was a long ride, but worth every moment. Brody is doing great, and sleeping all night except for 3-4 nursing's and diaper changes.

On October 25th, I thought for sure I was in labor. I had back pain, contractions, and some vomiting. I woke up early that day and told Tom to go to work, but by the time he got there I was calling to tell him to come home. I was convinced!

We called my mom in Seattle, who was scheduled to come out on November 9th. She hopped the next flight out. Well, we rushed to the hospital because I just couldn't stand it. I was having contractions, but they were inconsistent. My back was hurting so bad I couldn't think straight, but only on one side. So they watched me and were really nice. I was dilated to 2 when I got there, they gave me a little something for my back pain and six hours later....nothing. I hadn't progressed; the contractions were slowing and no more vomiting, so they sent me home. False labor.

Turns out baby had been pushing on a nerve that made my back spasm, which caused contractions and vomiting. Once the spasm stopped, so did everything else! Quite a learning experience for me, not to mention a little humbling.

On the evening of November 9th (the day my Mom was supposed to come!) we went to the airport to pick up her partner, Lynne. When we got home, Lynne said to my belly, "Okay, I'm here now, you can come out."

Everyone went to sleep, but I wasn't feeling well, so I lay in bed. And realized I was having contractions! Well, I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice! I laid there and timed them till about midnight when they started to become more intense and closer together. I then got up and came downstairs where I sat on my ball, listened to my music, and really tried to relax. I was surprised at how calm I was. Come 1:30am, I woke Tom. We sat for about a half hour, timing contractions that were now between 3 and 4 minutes apart. We realized that this was no false labor, and it was time to wake up my Mom and call the hospital. The nurse on the phone asked all the usual questions... time, length, and whether or not my waters had broke, etc... Then they said relax, take a shower, and come on down in a bit.

I went up stairs to shower and as soon as I walked into my bedroom, gush! My water broke! I started to vomit, and when that passed, I got in the shower. By this time my contractions were on top of each other, but the shower helped slow them a bit. I got out, got dressed and told everyone we had to go now! We live less than 10 minutes from the hospital and it was all I could do to keep from pushing in the truck on the way there.

When we got there it was 3 am. I was fully dilated and baby was right there. I had done most of the work at home! (Thanks to yoga and the relaxing techniques!) They said I was okay to push, thank goodness, because I couldn't wait any more. I had been pushing for two hours when the doctor came in and said she was a little concerned because baby hadn't moved down. She asked if I could keep going, and I said yes. She said she would give me another hour. She came back and baby still hadn't moved. She said it was time for a c-section. She could feel baby, but he wasn't down far enough to try the suction or forceps.

We have had numerous losses in our effort to start a family-five pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. With the concern in the doctor's face, and the fact that we had made no progress at all, I wasn't willing to risk it. I agreed to the c-section. All along our goal was a healthy baby. A vaginal birth was ideal, but anyway I could get him as long as he was healthy was fine by me.

Once we said okay, things moved very fast. They told me I couldn't push anymore, which was really hard. They had me down into surgery and getting prepped before I knew it. Tom was there and took photos of the whole thing. I told him, "I want to see what you see."

Charles Thomas Rines was born at 7:03am, 20.2 inches long and 8lbs 4.6oz. When Charlie finally came out it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Crying! He had a large bruise and blister on his head where he had been stuck in the canal. Dr. Goltz (who was fabulous!!) said I could have pushed for another 10 hours and he never would have made it through. So this really was the best decision. Instead of rushing him off to the nursery they gave him a quick check and let Tom hold him next to my head the entire time they were sewing me up. About 45 minutes. I couldn't hold him yet because my arms were too weak with the spinal, but those first 45 minutes were priceless to me.

We got home on Saturday and have been enjoying Charlie so much. My Mom and Lynne were fabulous, calm, and so helpful. I am amazed at how well Tom did. I had no doubt he would be great, but his support, love, and strength have given me a new depth of love for him which I didn't think was possible. I can't believe he is here and in my arms. I thank goodness for all the knowledge and support I received from yoga, Stacy, and all the other moms. To go from terrified of losing another baby to opening up my heart and accepting his arrival is a path I don't know I could have done without you. Thank you.

To my dearest son Corbin: This is the story of your birth (keep in mind it gets a bit graphic and that your mother is a horrible speller) It all started on Wednesday, the 11th of August, when I got home from work. It was a very hot day. Your brother (Oswald the weiner dog) had been dealing with issues associated with his neck, so I had been bringing him to work with me to keep an eye on him. When I got home from work, I had to lug his big, huge kennel up a flight of stairs to our apartment. Earlier in the day, we had gone for our daily walk (in reality it was my work break, but I called it a "break walk") with my friend Dani. She said, "If this doesn't put you into labor I don't know what will!"

I don't know if it was the walk, the heat, or hauling that kennel up the stairs, but labor was on its way. Once home that day, I knew I would find your dad in our bedroom because it was HOT, and that was the one place we had air conditioning. It seems as though the week leading to your birth was the hottest it had been in Duluth for years...no joke!!! As I lay in front of the air conditioner, I start feeling menstrual cramps (4:30pm). I joked with your dad that perhaps I was going into labor (I had yet to feel a contraction, even though at my last appointment with Dr. Carr on Tuesday the 10th I was almost 4 cm and 90% effaced, and you were stationed at zero).

Your father, of course, referred to his new bible, The Birth Partner, to see if what I was feeling was in fact contractions. At around 6 pm, we decided to get a bite to eat and get Oswald some soft dog food so we could administer his medicine. At that time I was still feeling come cramping, but nothing too crazy. When we got home, things starting to "show" when going to the bathroom, and to my surprise we had no toilet paper. So again we had to run to Walgreens, because at that time I realized that YES, I was in labor, and TP will definately come in handy.

I wanted an ice cream cone, so on the way home we stopped at DQ. While waiting in line I had a contraction that took my breath away. As we ate our treats in the car, I said to your dad that we needed to go home NOW!!! At home, I put some good music on, got my big huge ball out, put some lavender in the oil burner, and danced all over the house with you in my belly. During this time your dad took my watch and we timed the contractions...from 9:30pm until 12am Thursday they were over a minute long and 2-3 minutes apart. I didn't want to go to the hospital (SMDC) too soon, so we waited. Finally at 11:45pm I told your dad to call the hospital to let them know we were coming. I then took a shower which felt great, got our bag packed and we were off. One thing to note: your dad and I never took a birthing class, and had no idea where we were going, but in fact after a few times around the block, we found the emergency entrance. As I got in the door I was put in a wheel chair and off we went to hopefully meet you.

When we got to the room the nurse named Amber (who was absolutely fabulous!!!) asked me a ton of question (she even asked my pre pregnancy weight which I never wanted your father to know. At all our prenatal appointments I never let him look at the scale, as a matter of fact I never looked either!) and finally checked me, and I was at 5 cm, so I could stay.

This angel that was my nurse, Amber, was amazing!!! She knew my intentions of having a birth without any medical interventions (I struggle with this term "natural birth" after my experience) and she was there to support me the whole way through. She only made me lay down for the monitors when she absolutely had to. I refused to go through this laying down. We tried all different poses, they propped the head part of the bed up for me and I leaned over that for a bit. Nothing seemed to work for me except hula hips, which did relieve some pain.

Your dad and grandma Kate tried to help, but really nothing they did worked. I have never in my life endured such immense pain. Nothing could prepare me for what I was going through at that time. I compare it to a pack of wild boars ripping out my innards for 1 minute, every 2 minutes for HOURS. I had taken prenatal yoga and had all these coping tools that I tried to use birth singing, Uhmmmmmm, yeah, that didn't work. I could hardly get a peep out, and when I did it was so high pitched I annoyed myself. Tried sitting on the toilet...nope that didn't work. Nothing seemed to work. I visualized the waves of Lake Superior rolling in...and kept thinking the waves seriously don't take as long as these contractions. So I resorted to counting. I counted through every contraction in my head.

The other thing about these contractions was they made me want to puke, but I couldn't. I remember your grandma and dad telling me how good I was doing and how proud they are of me, which was nice, but didn't make the "boars" go away.

Dr. ???? (really nice lady) came in to check me at 4:00am and said, "You are making great progress. You are at 8cm. We can break your water and the contractions will become more intense." Or... Or what? I thought. I couldn't imagine "more intense." As it was, I had been up for almost 24 hours, I had 2 cm to go, AND THEN I had to push this big baby out. I couldn't do it. I was exhausted and pushed to my limit. I broke down bawling, and asked "What are my options for pain?" They said it wasn't too late for an epidural if I wanted. I said yes (which ended up being a great decision and I have no regrets). Yet I cried for the next hour about the decision.

I received an hour's worth of fluids though an IV, which had to happen before I could get the epideral, but I knew the pain would soon subside. The anesthesiologist came in at about 5am, just as the sun was just poking out. I had to sign a paper stating that I acknowledged I was getting an epidural. I knew that there would be a pretty serious needle sticking into my back but at that point, I thought nothing could be worse then what I'm going through now.

Grandma and your dad had to leave the room. It was supposed to take 20 minutes, but ended up taking an hour. I had a really hard time holding still while the doctor tried to insert the needle because of the intense contractions that were still happening. The doctor said I was a "challenge" because I had such a long torso, or something, I couldn't remember. Perhaps he was just new and I was his first one. Either way, I didn't care...I just wanted to rest and his poking didn't hurt a bit!

Once everything was in, Grandma and your dad were able to come back into the room. Grandma was very worried as she is a nurse, and knew it usually doesn't take that long to get the epidural in. My legs started to go a bit numb, but I could still feel the contractions in my right side. They gave me a button I could push if I needed more relief, but I really wanted to be able to feel my legs, if possible. I was able to move my legs on my own but the contractions were gone, which was a relief but I was worried how that was going to be for pushing.

Dr. Carr just so happened to be on call that day, which was fantastic! I joked at our last appointment that perhaps the baby was waiting for her to be on call before coming into this world. Once Dr. Carr came in at 7:45am to check me (I was at 10 cm), I started crying again. I felt like not only did I fail myself by having the epidural, but her as well. She was very compassionate and reassured me that it was okay that I got one, and how proud of myself I should be for getting to 8 before requesting one. (As I look back at it now it is kind of funny, really why would she care that I had one anyway???). I got the go-ahead to start pushing; the nurse looked at this monitor that would say when I was contracting and how to push (Weird, I know).

Your dad and grandma were there for the entire pushing event. The nurse would commend me for my good pushes. She said I was a really good pusher. I requested a mirror to see what a good push looked like...not pretty, that's for sure! So for the next 2 hours I pushed and pushed, you had a large head, but once that was out, Dr. Carr and her resident came in, in full garb and a few more pushes you were out! They then placed you on my chest; you were really slimy and warm. We let your cord pulse for just over a minute then your dad cut it.

Your Grandma, Dad, and I were all crying because it was such an amazing experience. You were able to be on my chest for about 15 minutes before the nurse weighed you. Then we got to snuggle a bit more before they wheeled you away to get cleaned up. They ended up putting that goop in your eyes even though I requested them not to...the nurse insisted (this was not the nurse I had during the labor. She was nice, but nothing like Amber). We spent that night in the hospital. I really wanted to go home at about 11am the day you were born. I felt great, but my legs didn't work yet. We were able to leave on Friday the 13th, at 6pm.

And that is your story, the story on how you came into this world and forever changed my life!!!!

Love you,
Mom